Target: Musings of a Consummate Consumer

I recently read another blogger’s post regarding her experience at Target. I couldn’t help but be launched into my own many, many, musings on Target. First and foremost I will admit that Target OWNS me. They are second only to on my list of BFFs, if large retailers can be considered BFFs that is. They aren’t humans who can reciprocate that friendship. Or are they? Isn’t knowing exactly what I currently love and MUST have a reciprocal love and devotion to me? At any given moment I guarnatee you that Amazon or Target knows exactly what I like better than anyone else in my life.

On a shopping trip there with some of my ‘real’ BFFs this past weekend we joked that Target has a secret mind reading machine that scans your brain each time you enter through their doors. Did you recently decided to decorate with copper accents? No worries! They have scanned your brain waves, analyzed the data, and without doubt next time you’re there voila! Copper, copper, everywhere copper! Things you didn’t even know you wanted or could have in copper, are right there, prominently on display just for you! Copper accent pillows and lamps? Exactly what I waslooking for! Copper salt & pepper shakers? There they are. Copper bar accessories? Oh my word. I’m so embarrassed. How could I forget to swap out my tired old stainless steel cocktail shaker for a copper one? Thank you for thinking of me Target, yes, I love you too!


Of course it’s also possible they subliminally control us by subtly introducing new accents, getting our eye used to the new color palette, texture, or pattern then after a few weeks swoop in for the kill with full on explosions of that color or pattern everywhere you look. It’s so subtly done that you think it’s your own idea and are super amazed at your own ability to be just ahead of the trend. Almost as if you set the trends. New pillows, new rugs, new throws, even paper products! Napkins, paper plates, AND disposable coffee cups for my lazy not-so-eco friendly habits all in a plaid pattern in my favorite colors?!? What? Shut up! I really nailed this fashion thing. They really should pay me to work for them with this ability of mine to personally set trends.

As if meeting my needs on every level wasn’t already enough, they also serve Starbucks. Starbucks is, of course, at the core of every middle class American’s “luxe” lifestyle. Its simply a must to complete the experience of love. The other thing on my long list of Target virtues? They are just classy enough that I can browse down my favorite copper accented and plaid patterend aisles, lazily sipping on my expertly whipped up latte, and not see a single unintentionally shown (or otherwise) ass crack, grown adult still in pajamas and slippers, or other assorted crazies.

Thank you Target. No matter what others say, our love is real.